Beautiful Disaster
by CSIMel
Summary: Takes place 45 minutes into SWAK. Kate addresses how she really feels, about Tony and about life. SongficOneshot TATE


**BEAUTIFUL DISASTER**

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own nada. Hold on…nup, still nothing.**

**PAIRING: Tate, duh!**

**A/N: Just a quick one-shot I've had floating around in my head. Based on the Kelly Clarkson song _Beautiful Disaster_. Story takes place 45 minutes into SWAK. You get the idea.**

Kate sat on the other side of the glass box, staring straight ahead. An hour earlier she had been on the other side, beside him. But his situation had worsened. The doctors seemed more worried. They didn't tell her much, but she could tell from the look on their faces that it wasn't good. A tear trickled down her face as she watched Tony sleeping.

_He drowns in his dreams_

_An exquisite extreme, I know_

_He's as damned as he seems_

_And more heaven than a heart could hold_

_And if I tried to save him_

_My whole world could cave in_

_It just ain't right, it just ain't right_

In the past hour she'd thought a lot about their relationship. He annoyed the hell out of her, but she wouldn't have it any other way.

It sounded weird, but somehow she couldn't imagine her life without him. Not that she felt that way about him. Actually, to be perfectly honest, she wasn't exactly sure how she felt about him. Tony was…Tony.

_Oh and I don't know_

_I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful?_

_Or just a beautiful disaster?_

Kate often wondered about Tony. At work, he seemed so in control over everything. When he was working, he was totally focussed on doing his job. They all were. That was a good thing about their relationship. There was a time for stuffing around and a time to work and they knew that if they crossed that boundary, they would have to suffer the consequences from Gibbs.

_He's magic and myth_

_As strong as what I believe_

_A tragedy with_

_More damage that a soul should see_

_And do I try to change him?_

_So hard not to blame him_

_Hold on tight, hold on tight_

Kate was awoken from her daydream by one of the doctors. She put her hand on her shoulder and smiled down at her reassuringly. Kate looked away. She didn't need this woman's pity. She needed for Tony to be all right. He needed to be strong, not only for himself, but for her.

_Come on, Tony. I need you. Just like you need me._

_Oh and I don't know_

_I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful?_

_Or just a beautiful disaster?_

It was times like these that made Kate hate life. Life was so unmerciful, uncontrollable and unpredictable. It could lift you up on a beautiful high, making everything seem perfect…and then you'd come crashing back to earth, just like that. That was the reason she hated God as a kid. She never understood why it was God's will that her parents fought all the time and her older brother was killed in a car accident. Sunday School taught her that if she were a good Christian, God would love her and look after her. Bull shit. Her family was breaking apart. Some sort of love.

It was happening again. Life was taking everything she loved and destroying it, right in front of her very eyes. She looked at Tony, lying there, unconscious. Her love destroyed him, just like it destroyed her family. No one deserved that.

_I'm longing for love and the logical_

_But he's only happy hysterical_

_I'm waiting for some kind of miracle_

_Waiting so long, waited so long_

It's funny how in times like these, a person undergoes some real soul searching. Kate wished things had been different. She wished she'd been able to brush away her insecurities and give her and Tony a shot. God knows they had all the perfect opportunities. She knew in her heart that their constant flirting and teasing had been a guise for how they really felt about each other. It took times like these for Kate to realise that what she'd been looking for all along was right in front of her. There was no perfect guy, but Tony came pretty damn close. He made her feel…perfect.

_He's soft to the touch _

_But frayed at the ends he breaks_

_He's never enough_

_And still he's more than I can take_

Kate couldn't take it anymore. She started sobbing softly, blocking out everything around her. She had to hold on to her last shred of hope. For both of them

_Oh and I don't know_

_I don't know what he's after_

_But he's so beautiful_

_Such a beautiful disaster_

_And if I could hold on_

_Through the tears and the laughter_

_Would it be beautiful?_

_Or just a beautiful disaster?_

She stared at his peaceful form, a smile on his lips.

In her heart, she knew everything was going to be all right.


End file.
